Regret
by Scottypop
Summary: AU; They always say that stress can make you slightly ill, or give you a disease that is sure to kill. For those who have succumbed, tears are shed - but tears cannot bring back the dead. Character death, now with a third chapter for those who wanted it.
1. Time Seems To Stop

**A/N;** Alright. So this AU fic is dedicated to someone, a relative who was – and still is – _very_ important to me. She was an absolutely amazing woman, who was strong and kind-hearted, yet somewhat soft-spoken – and she was practically ignored by her family members, other than a choice few (that included myself).

This fic's warnings are; character death, angst, and an odd friend for Matthew. I understand that Prussia has really only met Canada once, during the April Fool's day 'Ore-sama no Blog' hilarity (maple syrup on pancakes), but he seems to know that it's Canada, and not America. Also, they are all older in this story, in order to keep some semblance of everything. I'm bad with regards to how x-ray processes work at a hospital, so I just did my best. If anyone has _any_ clue on how it works, please – don't hesitate to PM me and help me out? (: Your help will be _very_ appreciated.

This story does _not_ have a happy ending, so if you don't like those kinds of stories, please – do not read this. And there are no pairings.

This AU does not follow the actual timeline of what occurred, and how things occurred, nor is Matthew entirely acting like this relative did. I changed those things around for certain reasons. The disease is the same, however. The end result is also pretty much the same, except for the sorrow.  
Anyways, I've gone on long enough. Here's the story. It will be a two-shot.

**Disclaimer; **I do not own Axis Powers HETALIA. ):

---

Matthew stared out the window at the pouring rain, sorrow stabbing at his heart. He was used to being ignored, certainly, but he wasn't even being mistaken for his brother, which was a new development in the story of his life.

His light indigo eyes shimmered in the window's reflection, droplets of water rolling down the outside of the glass pane and blurring the image.

The tears that streaked down Matthew's pale face were disguised by the water in his reflection, but not on his cheeks, which were stained by the salty liquid.

"I don't know how much more I can take… I feel weaker these days…" He murmured to himself quietly. Matthew couldn't even remember why he was talking so silently – he had no reason to be concerned about the figures sleeping in the rooms just across the hall from his.

It wasn't as if they would hear him, anyways.

His mind slipped back into the conversation that he had participated in earlier, with the one person who never mistook him for his brother, and never forgot his name or his face, or looked over his presence.

---

"_Yo, Matt! What's up?" A cocky voice called out, shocking the Canadian. Matthew spun around just in time to see Gilbert running up to him, the Prussian's trademark smirk decorating his lips. He gave the other male a weak smile, mumbling a pleasant 'Hello, Gilbert' when the silver-haired man arrived in front of him._

"… _Matt, you're lookin' pale. Are you okay?" Matthew blinked in confusion – was that actually _concern_ that he had heard in Gilbert's voice? He shook it off, and strengthened his smile._

"_O-Of course, Gilbert. You just surprised me, t-that's all," the Canadian responded happily when the other male's arm wound around his shoulder._

"_Well, c'mon, let's go!"_

"_Wh-Where are we going?"_

"_Let's go take a walk! I just wanna chat, is there somethin' wrong with that?" Gilbert gave the blonde a pointed look, bringing an embarrassed flush to the Canadian's face._

"_N-No, of course not! But… No one notices me anyways, Gilbert… We could just stand here and talk, and no one would know…" Matthew's voice drifted off into an uncomfortable silence as Gilbert's stare turned into a glare, and he tightened his grip around the other male's shoulders._

"_This is serious, Matt. C'mon, let's go," Gilbert repeated, more sternly this time. Matthew merely nodded, and went along with the Prussian._

_When the two were finally out of earshot of the other beings, Gilbert rounded on the Canadian, fixating him with a glower so violent that Matthew took a few steps back, fear clutching at his heart._

"_Alright, Matt – tell me what's wrong, _now_."_

"_N-Nothing is wrong, Gilbert! Would you like to come over to my place? I'll make some pancakes, and I have some maple syrup in the refrigerator-" Matthew weakly attempted a subject change, but it only seemed to further infuriate the other male._

"_Don't. Tempt. Me." Gilbert snapped, interrupting the Canadian. "Tell me what's wrong, Matthew! You know I listen! Why won't you just tell me, dammit?!" The silver-haired male's voice took on a bit of a pleading note, hidden within all of the anger that he had towards the hiding Canadian._

"… _N-Not here, Gilbert, please…" Matthew whispered, tears pricking at his eyes. Gilbert blinked, and stepped forward, linking arms with the blonde._

"_Alright, then let's go back to your place-"_

"_Alfred! There you are!" A heavily-accented voice called out, and Matthew slumped considerably, turning away from Gilbert to stare at the oncoming Arthur with a slightly displeased gaze._

"_Arthur, I'm Matthew," He attempted, albeit in a small voice, and Arthur blinked before narrowing his eyes, leaning forward as he scrutinized the blonde. Finally, he pulled back, and sighed._

"_Sorry, Matthew. Do you have any idea where Alfred is? I have a bone to pick with that bloody git." Arthur's disapproving, emerald-coloured gaze swept over the area, and Matthew weakly shook his head._

"_No, I don't know-" He began, but the Englishman had already started off in another direction._

"_-where he is…" Matthew finished lamely, his hurt gaze dropping to the ground. He was cut off from the emotional pain by a particularly brutal tug on his arm, which brought his attention back onto the angered Prussian man._

"_Let's _go_, Matthew." Gilbert snapped, his ruby eyes flaring with fury as he dragged the Canadian off in the direction of his home._

"_G-Gilbert, wait-" Matthew's statement was responded to with a sharper tug on his arm, dragging him along at a quicker pace. Gilbert seemed to have the way to the Canadian's house memorized fully, because he took all of the correct turns without fully watching where he was going._

_Gilbert surprised Matthew even more so when he reached into the blonde's sweater pocket and pulled out his keys, unlocking the door before shoving him inside, following after him before slamming the door shut._

"_Alright, spill." The tone of voice that Gilbert had adopted was a serious, to-the-point one that allowed no argument. Matthew knew when he was defeated, and released a sigh before beckoning to the Prussian, leading him towards the main room. The pair sat down on a pair of chairs that faced one another, and Gilbert impatiently tapped his fingers repeatedly on the arms of the piece of furniture._

"_It's just that… I know I should be used to being ignored all the time. But I just feel odd this time. I don't know. And if they're not ignoring me, they're mistaking me for Alfred. And if they know who I am, then they just don't seem to care enough to ask me how my day was. From Arthur, it's always 'Alfred this' and 'Alfred that'. And with Francis, there's always another woman that he brings home, and he argues almost non-stop with Arthur. And Alfred… His hero complex is still very out-of-control, and he's always saying that he's better than everyone else, including me – when he remembers that his own brother exists." Matthew stated scornfully, his eyes gaining a distant look to them as he continued._

"_But now… I feel odd. The pain from being ignored… It's becoming unbearable, I guess," The Canadian finished solemnly, and glanced up at the chair opposite his. Gilbert was staring at him intensely, his gaze unreadable. After a moment of tense silence, the Prussian stood up and moved in front of him, pulling him unceremoniously to his feet, and into a hug._

"_If they're hurting you so badly, don't fuckin' hide it, dipshit! No one can help you if you hide it!"_

"_No one cares!" Matthew could not help himself – he blurted it out without thinking, and felt the Prussian stiffen. Gilbert immediately drew back, and struck him hard across the face, before grabbing his shoulders and giving him a rough shake._

"_Fuckin' listen to me! _I_ care! So if you hide shit like this from me again, I'll beat your ass so hard you'll _wish_ I was one of the assholes ignoring you, got it?!" Matthew raised a hand in amazement to his stinging cheek, his widened eyes staring into Gilbert's crazed ones._

"…" _Matthew had no idea how to respond to that. However, his eyes started pricking again. And the tears began flowing this time._

_He collapsed against the Prussian's chest, who held him in a surprisingly gentle grip._

"_Got it?" Gilbert repeated wearily, gaining a small nod from the weeping blonde._

"_Good."_

---

Matthew slumped in the chair, his dejected, pale face staring back at him through a wet glass pane – when had the rain stopped, he couldn't remember…

Why were his eyes so haunted?

Why was the pain turning physical?

Why did he feel so weak?

Why wasn't he noticeable?

Why wasn't he important?

Why was he so soft-spoken?

Why was he forgettable?

Why did he continue to put up with this, day after day?

_Why couldn't they understand how he felt_?

The blonde reluctantly heaved himself out of the chair and stumbled out of the room, down the hallway, and entered his own bedroom. He closed the door softly – again, it's not like they would notice him anyways – before wandering absently over to his bed and collapsing on top of it, his face buried in his pillow.

'_I'll have to make Gilbert some pancakes tomorrow…_' He thought to himself before he drifted off to sleep.

---

"Francis, you bloody frog, get your hand off of my arse!"

"But, mon cher, you cannot tell me that you do not like this!"

"C'mon, you two old farts! The hero has arrived! Now stop fighting so I can get my coffee and not spill it this time!"

"Oh shove it, you bloody git!"

"Good morning," A soft voice murmured, but it was ignored. The breakfast laid out on the table was eaten quickly, and Matthew was finally graced with a small smile from the Frenchman.

"Wonderful breakfast," Francis chuckled, gaining odd stares from Arthur and Alfred. He stood and took his plate over to the sink, rinsing it with water before leaving some of the clear liquid in it to remove any other residue.

"I'm off to work! I shall be home tonight. Au revoir~"

"Oh just go already, you wanker."

"Love you too, Arthur."

"I must be off, too." The Englishman brushed off Francis' snide comment as he, too, took his plate over to the sink and repeated the process that the Frenchman had done moments before.

"Alright, later, Francis! C'mon, let's go, Artie!" Alfred mumbled through the food in his mouth as he stood, leaving his plate on the kitchen table. In the process, he gained a disgusted eye-roll from Arthur, and the two departed the kitchen. The sound of the front door opening was heard from the corridor, but it took a moment for it to close, making the Canadian wonder if they were contemplating saying good-bye to him.

Sadly, all he heard were voices for less than a minute before the door closed.

Silence reigned over the room for a moment, before his voice broke the silence.

"I'm quite good today, how are you? Oh that's wonderful. I had a very nice sleep, thank you for asking. Of course I didn't mind cooking breakfast for you three today, you're quite welcome, eh." Matthew muttered to himself in irritation as he picked up his own plate and Alfred's before placing them both in the sink. He glanced over at the pan and, after a moment's thought, poured more batter in. It would be good to make some pancakes for Gilbert, as a thank-you for the Prussian's concern over his well-being.

"So, you talk to yourself when you're all alone?" An amused voice shocked the Canadian into jumping nearly out of his skin, and he spun around, clutching his chest. Gilbert quirked an eyebrow, chuckling to himself as he shook his head, saying, "Calm down, Matt, it's just me. I'm not the Bogeyman – I'm worse, remember~?"

Even with that joke, Matthew could not seem to calm down.

His eyes were wide, and he panted heavily, his fingers tightening their grip around his red, maple-leaf sweater.

"… Matt? Matt!" Gilbert shouted, finally managing to snap the Canadian out of it. Matthew stared at him for a moment before shaking his head.

"S-Sorry, Gilbert. Just… Just tired," He sighed, removing his hand from his chest, where his heart was fluttering frantically. "Would you like some pancakes? I was just about to make some for you anyways, as a thank-you for helping me yesterday."

Gilbert watched the blonde closely, his eyes scrutinizing his face. Finally, he released a grunt of approval and sat himself down at the table, balancing his head on the palm of his hand, with his elbow resting on the cloth decorating the top of the wooden surface. Matthew allowed himself a small smile at the sight of the grumpy Prussian collapsed in his chair, before turning around and grabbing the spatula, prodding at the quickly warming batter.

"So… How are you, eh?"

"Frustrated." Came the suddenly snippy response, and Matthew quirked an eyebrow as he threw a concerned glance over his shoulder.

"Why are you frustrated…?" He inquired tentatively, and the bored, scarlet gaze rose to meet his.

"I know that you talked to me yesterday, but… There's somethin' goin' on with you, and either you don't know, or you're not tellin' me, dammit. You didn't give me the whole story yesterday, I just know it," Gilbert replied blandly, his other hand's index finger tracing swirling patterns on the tablecloth.

Matthew sighed, before flipping the two pancakes that were sizzling in the pan. "Just wait until your pancakes are done, please. Then I'll talk to you, okay?"

He received another grunt in response, before he focused his attention on finishing the pancakes. The kitchen was silent for some time, before Matthew deemed the pancakes done, and removed them from the pan, sliding them from the spatula onto a plate. He took the plate over to the kitchen table and placed it in front of the Prussian, who blinked. The Canadian pushed the bottle of maple syrup over to the now ecstatic albino, who poured a generous amount over his pancakes before digging into the delicious food with the knife and fork that the blonde had supplied him with.

"C-Careful, Gilbert! Don't choke! Did you not have breakfast yet?" Matthew laughed, sitting himself delicately down across from the Prussian.

"Mmph-" Gilbert placed the knife down on the plate, and gesturing animatedly with his now-free hand. He swallowed heavily a few times, before grinning. "No, I didn't have breakfast – West was taken over to a sleepover by that weird, Italian dude – Feliciano, was it? Eh, whatever his name was, he's with him. So I decided to pop over to check how you were before I went out for breakfast!" He popped another piece of pancake-soaked-in-maple-syrup into his mouth with a delighted humming noise.

"A-Ah, yes, it is Feliciano," Matthew responded softly, fiddling with the edge of the tablecloth absentmindedly. "Thanks for coming over…"

Gilbert quirked an eyebrow at the blonde, and swallowed the piece of pancake in his mouth before putting down his utensils and fixating Matthew with a severe gaze. "Did they do it again?"

Matthew winced quite visibly, hanging his head. "Arthur and Alfred didn't see me at all during breakfast, and all Francis did was smile at me and say 'wonderful breakfast' before he left."

"But, Matt-" Gilbert began, but he noticed that Matthew's free hand was clutching at the left side of his chest – the same place that it had been holding onto before.

"… Is something wrong, Gilbert?" Matthew asked worriedly, noticing an unreadable glint in the scarlet eyes that stared at him unwaveringly.

"Why are you holdin' your chest?"

"Eh? It's n-nothing, Gilbert, please-" The Canadian pleaded, but the Prussian stood and slammed his hands down on the table, narrowing his furious gaze.

"Just tell me already, Matt! Don't you trust me?!" Gilbert shouted, desperation and pain lacing his voice. "You've been doin' that for about five fuckin' years now! But now you're doin' it more often, and, and… Matt, this is so not awesome! Just _tell_ me!"

Matthew stared wide-eyed at the heavily panting Prussian, who glowered right back at him. He shifted uncomfortably, before sighing.

"Alright… I-I've been getting pain in my chest for a while now… It's getting worse recently. And I'm finding it harder to breathe, and it's even worse when I run or I get scared-" Matthew waved off the somewhat apologetic look that Gilbert gave him. He stared down at the table blankly, continuing with, "And I've done to the doctor's already, but they just said that it was nothing. It's getting worse, though. I don't know if it's psychological pain, so it doesn't exist anywhere but my own mind, but… I just don't know. I've gone in multiple times, and they've checked, but they don't know, and…" The blonde was cut off when a gloved hand landed on his head, ruffling his silky, blonde hair.

"C'mon, then. We're gonna take you to a hospital, dammit. You shouldn't be havin' trouble breathin', it's not right! Now, the Awesome Gilbert will get you there!" Matthew was unceremoniously tugged him from his sitting position, and dragged out of the kitchen. Gilbert was ignoring his cries of 'the dishes, I need to wash them!' and 'I think I left the stove on!', instead opting to whistle incessantly as he pulled the struggling blonde out the front door of his own house. The door was kicked shut, and Matthew struggled against Gilbert's hold long enough to lock the door with the key he always kept in his sweater pocket.

"Off we go!" Gilbert cheered as he opened the passenger door to his car and shoved the unwilling Canadian into the seat, buckling him in before slamming the door shut. He practically skipped over to the driver's side of the vehicle, throwing himself in and buckling his seatbelt.

"W-Wait, Gilbert! Eh?!"

"Hold on!" The Prussian laughed uproariously as he turned the key in the ignition, and the car's engine roared to life. He put it in reverse and backed out of the driveway quickly, before slamming his foot down on the gas pedal as it was switched into drive, the vehicle speeding off down the road.

---

"Dammit!" Gilbert swore, reclining backwards in his chair.

The pair were in the hospital waiting room, and the Prussian's impatience was taking effect.

"Gilbert, please, calm down…" Matthew tried, but his attempts were proven futile.

"We've been waiting for how long now?!"

"… T-Twenty minutes."

"Twenty minutes?! Christ! Why haven't you been taken in yet-"

As if on cue, Gilbert's tirade was interrupted with a loud, "Mr. Matthew Williams?"

Grateful, the blonde stood up, and pulled the Prussian along with him. Gilbert grinned amiably at the blonde, and the pair followed the ever-smiling nurse down the hallway, where she pointed wordlessly at a room before murmuring, "The doctor will see you shortly."

Gilbert mockingly saluted the girl as she walked away, before Matthew sighed and tugged him into the room. The blonde wandered over to the bed and pulled himself up onto it, reclining against the pillow.

"You look comfortable," Gilbert commented wryly, gaining a somewhat exasperated glance from the Canadian male.

"Gilbert, please do me a favour?"

"Sure, what is it, Matt?"

"Shut up, eh." Gilbert blinked at the blonde's stern gaze, before he laughed.

"Alright, alright, I get the picture!" The Prussian plopped himself down in the chair beside the head of the hospital bed, and smirked at Matthew.

Said blonde opened his mouth to respond, but footsteps echoed loudly down the hallway, and a doctor appeared in the doorway.

"Hello, aru! You must be Matthew Williams, correct?" At the nod he received from the blonde, he smiled gently. "Pleasure to meet you, aru. I'm Dr. Wang Yao. Now, I've read over your information, and this seems very… Odd, aru. Shortness of breath, pain in your chest, excessive fatigue…" Yao listed off the problems that Matthew had been experiencing, and the blonde nodded to every single one.

"Hm… Well, it would be best if we ran some tests. If you would, sir, aru…?" Yao glanced pointedly at the Prussian, who snorted balefully and stood.

"Alright, Matt – I'll be in the frickin' waitin' room. Call for me if you need me." With a pat on the blonde's head and a large grin in the doctor's direction, Gilbert swept gracefully past Yao and vanished through the doorway, his footsteps sounding out for a short while before they vanished.

"Um, Dr. Yao… Do you think that this is nothing? That it might be psychological?" Matthew mumbled softly as the doctor moved over beside him and donned his stethoscope, pushing the metal part up the Canadian's sweatshirt and t-shirt underneath.

"Deep inhale, please. … Now exhale." Yao ordered politely, and the Canadian obeyed. The process was completed three other times, before the doctor sighed. "I don't think it's psychological, aru. There _does_ seem to be something off about your breathing, and your heart rate is exceedingly distressing. Have you been very stressed out lately, aru?" He asked in a concerned voice as he retracted the stethoscope from the blonde's chest.

Matthew flushed slightly, lowering his head so that his blonde bangs hid his eyes. "Y-Yes… But I've been stressed for most of my life. I don't see how it should affect me now…"

"Please, follow me – we're going to go run some tests. I do not think a blood test is needed, but an x-ray certainly is, aru! Have you been to a doctor recently?"

"Yes, but my doctor thinks that it's nothing…"

"That is not a good thing, Mr. Williams, aru. Now, if you would?" Yao's smile returned to his face, and the Canadian mirrored it before sliding off the bed and following the doctor out of the room and down the hallway.

"In here, please." Yao gestured at a doorway, and Matthew nodded his ascent, entering the room.

"Please remove your sweatshirt, before we proceed, aru."

Matthew flushed a bright red with embarrassment, and pulled his red sweater over his head.

"Alright, I'll need you to…" The doctor went through the instructions, and Matthew followed them.

The x-ray machine whirred to life as the doctor left the room to control it from afar.

Matthew lay with his eyes closed on the bed, pushing back the want to squirm. It had only taken minutes to get x-rays of his chest, but to the blonde, it had felt like hours. Days, even.

No more x-rays were taken, and Matthew cautiously opened one, light-indigo eye as the Chinese male re-entered the room, his facial expression one of grim distress.

Matthew could have sworn that he felt his fluttering heart stop at that single look that he gained.

"D-Dr. Yao…?" He inquired tentatively, sitting up as the x-ray machine was quietly moved away from his body. He clasped his hands together in his lap, the appendages shaking violently as he tried to quell their movements.

The doctor remained silent for another couple of moments, before he sighed.

"Please, come with me, Mr. Williams. Would you like to have your red-eyed friend with you when I give you the diagnosis, aru?"

"… Y-Yes, please." The Canadian stood and followed the oddly silent doctor from the x-ray room, and back down the hallway to the room he had been in beforehand.

"I will go get your friend, aru. What was his name?"

"G-Gilbert Beilschmidt."

"Alright. Please sit on the bed, I will be back momentarily, aru." Yao gave Matthew a weak smile before he left the room, vanishing down the corridor. Matthew sat obediently on the bed and twiddled his thumbs awkwardly, his somewhat uneven breathing echoing in his ears.

He heard a shout from down the hallway, and glanced up at the doorway in amazement when Gilbert skidded around it and leaped into the room, landing on the bed beside the blonde with a crazed grin.

"Yo, Matt! That was fast!" He laughed, putting an arm around the Canadian's shoulders. Matthew gave him a weak smile, slouching slightly as the doctor re-entered the room, and closed the door behind him.

"So, doc, what's the diagnosis?" Gilbert asked, tightening his grip on the blonde ever-so-slightly.

"Mr. Williams… The x-rays have showed that your… Your lymph nodes are in very bad condition, aru. It appears that the prolonged amount of time that you have suffered from this unknown ailment has caused the problem to become worse." Yao sighed, fixing the blonde with a sorrowful look. "The problem that you have has been identified as non-Hodgkin's lymphoma."

Matthew could only stare at Yao in horrified disbelief. A small, pitiful noise escaped his lips, and his face blanched of the small amount of colour it had retained.

"It… It's treatable, Mr. Williams, aru," Yao continued, and Matthew leaned forward, eager to hear how he could treat this disease and be saved-

"But, you have five to ten years left, maximum ten. This form of Hodgkin's lymphoma cannot be cured. I'm… I'm terribly sorry, aru."

"No! I refuse to believe it!" Gilbert thundered, his eyes flaring dangerously. A choked noise brought his attention to the abnormally pale man beside him, and he wrapped his arms around Matthew, bringing the blonde into a tight hug as the Canadian began crying wildly.

"There is a new form of treatment that we are trying out, that might lengthen your life-span… It's still in a trial run, though. I'm not sure if you want to be one of the people who are willing to have it tested on them, aru…"

"Why would Matt become a fuckin' guinea pig for you shitheads?!" Gilbert snapped instantly, baring his teeth at the doctor.

"I'll do it." Matthew's voice may have been shaky, but it was firm as well.

"B-But, Matt-!"

"No, Gilbert. I want to do this. If… If I can get a longer chance at life than I already have, then I'm going to do a lot of things differently," Matthew responded, hugging the concerned Prussian back. "So please, just let me do this, alright?"

Gilbert switched his gaze between the hopeful doctor and the stubborn blonde a few times, before he gave a sigh that sounded clearly of defeat.

"Alright… But if anythin' happens-" Gilbert began uneasily, but he was cut off by the Canadian.

"It'll be my fault, Gilbert. It's my choice whether I get this done or not, and it'll be my fault if anything happens. I doubt anything will, though," Matthew gave his friend a reassuring smile, and Gilbert gave a small nod.

"Dammit, whatever. Do whatever you want, Matt."

"Thank you, Gilbert!" Matthew smiled at the Prussian, who glanced away with an irritated 'Feh!', although his lips were quirked upwards slightly in the semblance of a smile.

"Please come with me, both of you – we'll get the paperwork filled out, and will hopefully have you started on this new treatment within the next couple of days, aru!" Yao's eyes twinkled with delight as he led the pair out of the room and back towards the desk in the waiting area.

Gilbert cast the smiling blonde and the paperwork an unnerved look.

Even though this treatment could help Matthew, it could also hurt him, since it was still in the trial stage.

It was great to be optimistic, but…

Gilbert couldn't help the feeling of dread that filled his entire being when his friend signed those papers, and shook hands with the doctor.


	2. Time Moves Forward

**A/N;** Sorry for not updating sooner, some stuff happened, which included a _lovely_ root canal~ And this chapter was hard to write for personal reasons. But, as promised, here is the second and final chapter of 'Regret'.

I don't know if I should make a third chapter, with the funeral in it or not. After you read this chapter, I would like your opinions, reviewers, on that.

Thank you to my anonymous reviewers – wish I could reply to your kind reviews, but since I can't, I just want to say thank you right off the bat. (:

If you read the first chapter, you should know what the warnings are – but, again, I will say _this story does not have a happy ending_. Please, please, **please** do not read if you don't like it. I will not be held responsible for you getting upset. ):  
Oh, and – it may seem like there are pairings, but there are not. Not even implied – merely close friendship. Platonic, nothing more.  
AND PRUSSIA IS OUT OF CHARACTER CLOSE TO THE END OF THE CHAPTER.  
I read that he becomes depressed whenever someone mentions Old Fritz, so you would think that - if he had a close friend - he might become very upset over a loss.

Also – there are a couple of characters that I have put in here that do not have names yet, so I gave them one; _Seychelles_ is _Maria_ and _Hong Kong_ is _Len_.

Again, I feel like I've rambled. Here's the second chapter.

**Disclaimer;** I do not own Axis Powers HETALIA.

* * *

"… Aren't you going to tell your shitty family where you're going to be for the next while?" Gilbert quirked an eyebrow in the Canadian's direction questioningly, his red eyes boring into Matthew's face. "I mean, it's not like they'll give two shits or anything, but then if they get pissed, they can remember that you told them that you were leaving beforehand."

"… Yeah… I left a note on the fridge. If they don't notice it, it's not my problem," Matthew replied flippantly, meeting Gilbert's gaze with a sort of practiced ease. The Prussian was silent for a moment, before he let out a barking laugh and clapped a hand on the blonde's back roughly.

"Gyahaha! You finally get it, Matt! I've never been more proud," Gilbert sniffed, rubbing a hand across his eyes dramatically. "My little Matt is growin' up!"

"G-Gilbert!" Matthew's cheeks flushed slightly, and he aimed a pout in the albino's direction. Gilbert merely chuckled and flashed a winning smile at the Canadian.

"Relax, Matt. Now, c'mon – that Yao guy's waitin'. He may be patient, but I'm not!" Gilbert whined, his hands clasping around Matthew's wrist as he proceeded to drag the blonde towards the front door of the house.

"Wait! Wait – I forgot something, Gilbert!" Matthew – with some degree of difficulty – wrenched his arm from Gilbert's powerful grip and spun on his heel, racing down the hallway and up the winding staircase at the end.

The Prussian stared after him irritably, crossing his arms over his chest. He was wearing a pair of sunglasses on top of his head, and had black gloves adorning his slim, pale hands. A collared, button-up beige t-shirt with two pockets on the chest adorned his upper torso, along with his ever-faithful Iron Cross hanging from around his neck. A pair of hazel-coloured shorts were held up with a black belt, and stopped just above his kneecaps. Army boots adorned his feet.

One of said boots began to tap impatiently on the wooden floorboards after mere seconds of waiting.

A thud sounded from upstairs, accompanied by a girlish squeak, and – soon enough – a flustered Matthew hurried down the stairs, a white, stuffed bear in his grasp.

Gilbert had to do a double-take.

"You're not _serious_ about bringin' it with you, are you?"

"W-Well, why not, eh?" Matthew furrowed his brow slightly, absently hugging his bear closer to his chest. "I've had Kumajirou since I was just a child! I don't see why I wouldn't bring him with me."

"But it's a stuffed teddy bear!"

"He's a stuffed _polar_ bear, Gilbert," Matthew replied, indignance clear in his voice. Gilbert merely stared at the blonde, before a chuckle burst past his lips. The Canadian's lower lip pushed out slightly in a pout, and he moved forward, easily moving past the shaking Prussian. He turned around when he reached the doorway, and quirked an eyebrow. "I thought you were impatient… Shall we go?"

Gilbert wiped at his eyes quickly before he lowered his sunglasses, balancing them on the bridge of his nose. "Yeah, let's go! Finally!" He laughed, breezing past the Canadian and grabbing the briefcase that had been leaning against the wall beside the door. He practically bounced down the steps on the front porch, and opened one of the backdoors of his vehicle, chucking his briefcase inside before slamming it shut. Matthew shook his head as he followed the albino, shutting the door behind him and locking it, before proceeding down the steps.

As he got into the passenger side of Gilbert's Hybrid, a myriad of emotions began pummelling him – he was excited one moment, slightly nervous the next, then he became so afraid he felt like his stomach was going to toss everything that he had eaten back up his throat and out of his mouth in a wonderful display. Happiness filled him at the thought of treatment, but resentment became apparent when his thoughts turned to the family that had barely noticed him, and had never seen the troubles that he had been going through for most of his life.

"Oi, Matt!" The blonde gave a small jerk when he heard the cocky voice drawl out his name. His indigo-coloured gaze turned onto the silver-haired male beside him, who quirked an eyebrow. "Somethin' wrong, Matt? If there is, don't hide it, alright?"

"N-Nothing's wrong, Gilbert. Just… Just a little bit nervous about the treatment," Matthew confessed, forcing a small smile onto his face to appease the irritable Prussian.

Gilbert stared at him in a calculating fashion for a few moments, before he replied with, "But we gotta be optimistic, remember~?" and turned the key in the ignition, the engine roaring to life. He pulled the gear shift into reverse and backed out of the driveway. Matthew was silent, but as he listened carefully, he heard the Prussian murmur, "I'm scared too, dammit…"

He realized that he was probably not supposed to hear the albino's words, and he instead opted to stare out the window, warmth filling him at the thought of having a friend actually remember who he was, instead of mistaking him for his brother all the time.

The gearshift was pushed back into drive, and – for once – the car did not take off down the street at a pace way over the speed limit. It merely drove along at a leisurely pace.

An uncomfortable silence filled the inside of the vehicle, aside from the humming of the engine, and the noises of other cars passing by on the other side of the road.

"… Gilbert? Are you alright? If something's wrong, you know you can tell me, right? Don't keep it inside," Matthew finally brought himself to break the silence, adding a sideways glance in the direction of his albino friend.

"I'm fine, Matt," Gilbert replied, the corner of his mouth visible to the blonde quirking upwards in the semblance of his trademark smirk. "Don't get your panties in a twist."

"O-Oh, okay," Matthew gave Gilbert a weak smile, before his eye twitched, and his lips turned downwards in a mixture of a pathetic scowl and a childish pout. "Hey! I don't wear panties!"

"So you go commando? Let it all hang loose, _eh_~?"

"_Gilbert_!"

* * *

"Ah! Mr. Williams, Mr. Beilschmidt, aru!" Yao stood up swiftly as the two figures entered his office.

"H-Hello, Doctor Yao," Matthew smiled at the Asian male, while Gilbert merely snorted and averted his gaze, seemingly becoming interested with a mark on the wall.

"You are right on time. Are you prepared, aru? You can still back out if you wish," the Chinese doctor cautioned, worry prominent on his features.

"I'm prepared, Doctor Yao. I'm willing to do whatever I can to make it so I can live as long as possible with this. I want to do a lot of things differently," Matthew responded politely, his smile widening at the thought of actually learning how to make people notice him. He hugged his stuffed polar bear closer absentmindedly.

Yao mirrored his expression, relief lighting up his honey-coloured eyes as he clapped his hands in front of him once, holding them together. "That's wonderful, aru~! We've checked over your information, and there's no reason why you should have an allergic reaction to the treatment. Of course, we'll still have to take precautions, but that's the same with things like chemotherapy and the sort, aru. We'll be transferring your information, as well as you, to the hospital across town – they've set up the treatment stations, and they should take good care of you, aru!"

"Alright, that sounds wonderful, thank you!" The Canadian said brightly, turning his indigo gaze on Gilbert, who still seemed mesmerized by the mark on the wall.

"… Gilbert?"

"What?" The albino's head whipped around so fast that all three beings pondered any symptoms of whiplash that might show up later on.

"I'm being transferred to a hospital across town. Will you come visit me?" Matthew stated patiently.

"Of course I'll visit, stupid!" Gilbert responded with a light-hearted tap on the top of Matthew's head with his fist. "My work's gonna be pickin' up, but I'll visit as much as I possibly can, alright? Don't you worry your lil' head 'bout it~"

Matthew grumbled under his breath, but the look on his face showed how grateful he was for Gilbert's carefree words.

"Okay, aru!" Yao shuffled around with the papers on his desk, before he came up with the file folder that held Matthew's information. "We'll get you transferred over today! You should be in the other hospital by this afternoon, perhaps even started on the treatment, aru."

"Thank you very much again, Doctor Yao," Matthew bowed his head respectfully towards the Chinese male, who chuckled.

"It's my pleasure to try and help you, Mr. Williams, aru! Now, if you wouldn't mind sitting down, I'll have to make a phone call to the other hospital to set up your appointment for early this afternoon. Mr. Beilschmidt, are you staying, aru?"

"Hm? Oh, yeah – wait _shit_ I'm gonna be late! I can't stay… Matt, you okay here without me?" Gilbert's scarlet-coloured gaze was cast onto the blonde, who merely nodded and hugged him briefly.

"Of course, Gilbert. You should hurry – but don't speed! It won't be good if you get another ticket," Matthew reprimanded sternly.

"Yes, mother. Can I go now?" Gilbert groused in annoyance, a smirk painted on his lips as he ruffled the Canadian's hair, waved at the Chinese male, and flounced out of the room.

"Please, take a seat, aru. This shouldn't take very long," Yao sat back down in his chair, and picked up the phone, dialling the number of the other hospital. Matthew took a seat in the chair in front of the desk, and waited patiently for the okay from the Chinese doctor.

"Ah, hello, aru! This is Doctor Yao- Yes, I am calling about Mr. Williams, aru. … Ah? So you're quite sure you can get him in early this afternoon?" Matthew felt his heart flutter with excitement and fear, and he inhaled deeply to calm himself down as the doctor grinned at him. "That's wonderful news, aru! Mr. Williams will be very pleased. He should be over there shortly. Thank you, aru!" Yao placed the phone back in the receiver. "Are you ready to go, Mr. Williams?"

"O-Of course! I'll have to take the bus, though… Gilbert's always been my driver," the blonde replied, sheepishly rubbing the back of his head and clutching Kumajirou tighter with his other arm.

"I can ask my assistant to give you a ride, aru. He's on the silent side, but he's quite a pleasant boy," Yao offered, and Matthew nodded slightly.

"That would be great, if it's not too much trouble. I always have trouble on the bus…" His indigo gaze lowered considerably, and Yao's expression became one of concern.

"Alright – I'll go get him, aru. He should be in the lobby right now," Yao stood, and – with a final, confused look at the blonde – walked out of the room.

Matthew slumped in his chair and allowed his eyes to wander about the clean, tidy office. His thoughts wandered just as aimlessly as his gaze did, thinking up both pros and cons to this treatment.

'_No, no – I can't think about those things. I have to just think on the bright side – be optimistic! Otherwise, Gilbert'll be upset, and I'll worry myself sick over something quite… Trivial._' The Canadian thought to himself, before he began shaking his head to clear it of the thoughts that he had just forbid himself from pondering.

"Are you Mr. Williams," came the sound of a monotonous voice, and Matthew leapt to his feet and spun around, just in time to see another male enter the room. The owner of the voice had on an oriental shirt with long sleeves that seemed to cover his hands, as well as long, black pants.

Matthew quirked an eyebrow against his will – weren't hospital staff, even if they were assistants, supposed to wear the normal attire?

The boy seemed to understand his dilemma, and he blinked his dark eyes slowly. He still offered no response, however, and Yao stepped in behind him.

"We didn't want to force him to wear the hospital gear – he's not a nurse, he works with documents and such, and he's still a newcomer, aru. His name is Len," the doctor explained, sidling easily past the boy in the doorway. "Now, Len – if you wouldn't mind taking Mr. Williams to the hospital across town, that would be very helpful, aru!"

Len merely nodded his head in affirmation, and gestured for the blonde to follow him as he reached out for the folder that Yao was offering to him at the same time. Matthew hurriedly obliged, his quick steps easily keeping him in line with the silent, emotionless male.

"S-So… You're new here?" The blonde asked nervously, trying – futilely, of course – to strike up conversation with the other male.

Len merely nodded again, his face remaining expressionless.

"Do you know Doctor Yao very well?"

"Relative," Len responded dully, leading the Canadian out of the hospital and towards a small vehicle.

"Ah, I-I see…" Matthew quickened his step to keep in line with the Asian male, and blinked in surprise when Len opened the passenger door for him.

"Oh, thank you!" He stated politely, ducking into the vehicle. Len shut the door behind the Canadian before wandering over to the other side and gracefully getting in, tucking the key into the ignition and turning it.

The pair buckled their seatbelts, and Matthew resigned himself to staring out the passenger side window for the entire ride – his driver was definitely _not_ a talkative one like Gilbert was.

* * *

"Alright – your information seems to all be in place! We'll get you set up in here, and – if we're lucky – you could be started on the treatment just after dinnertime," the black-haired nurse smiled brightly at Matthew, who nodded.

"That sounds great! Th-Thank you very much," Matthew clasped his hands in front of his chest happily, before he turned around and waved at a retreating Len.

"Thanks for bringing me here, Len!" He called out, and the Asian male raised a hand in silent farewell before exiting the front doors in the hospital lobby.

"If you would please follow me?" The blonde turned back to the nurse and obediently trailed along behind her, glancing around himself as he surveyed the inside of the hospital.

"It looks clean," Matthew thought aloud, before he flushed with a bit of embarrassment. The nurse glanced over her shoulder, sending a bemused look in the Canadian's direction.

"Well, of course it's clean – it's a hospital!" She giggled, the two, red ribbons in her hair swaying with every step she took. A light blue dress adorned her torso. All-in-all, she seemed like a tropical person.

Her gaze turned down to the file folder she held in her hand, and she was silent for a moment.

"So, your name is Matthew Williams, and you're from Canada?"

"Y-Yeah – what about you?"

"Ah, I'm Maria! I'm from Seychelles. A lot of people don't know about it, but-"

"Seychelles is a small island off the coast of Somalia, to the southeast. The people there speak a mixture of English and French, with English being the majority. Those are the main languages, with some others thrown in – it's somewhat ethnically diverse, and a beautiful place," Matthew finished, gaining an appraising look from Maria.

"I'm impressed! Not many people know that Seychelles is even a country!" She laughed brightly, bringing a flustered expression onto Matthew's face.

"W-Well, I'm of both English and French Canadian orientation, so… I kind of learned th-these things…" He stammered uncertainly.

"You don't have to make excuses!" Maria giggled, "I'm happy that you know about my country. Ah – if you'll go take a seat on the bed?" The pair finally stopped at a doorway, and the nurse turned to face Matthew fully before gesturing inside the room.

"Y-Yes, of course," Matthew walked into the room, before glancing over his shoulder. "Are you going to be my nurse?"

"Sadly, no," Maria sighed, a smile remaining plastered on her face. "I'm going on vacation for a couple of weeks – I've been working non-stop, and they've agreed to let me visit my family at home for a little while."

"Ah! I see. I hope you enjoy seeing your family!" The Canadian stated kindly, gaining laughter from the girl.

"I will, and I hope you get better soon! The doctor should be in shortly to talk with you more about the treatment and what it entails. Au revoir, Mathieu!"

"Au revoir!" Matthew repeated, raising a hand in farewell as the girl practically skipped down the hallway, vanishing from his sight very quickly. He moved towards the white bed in the middle of the room and sat down on it, looking around himself uneasily.

The clock above the doorway ticked with every second that passed by, and Matthew felt himself slowly slipping into some sort of trance at the sound. The seconds began to feel longer and longer, until a voice snapped him out of his thoughts.

"Ah, Mr. Williams. You're the non-Hodgkin's lymphoma patient, yes? Well, first, I should explain this treatment to you, and then we can see if we are able to get you started on it," the doctor stated as he walked into the room, and Matthew nodded.

"Alright, let's get started, then," the Canadian murmured with a weak smile.

* * *

"_Hey, Gilbert_," Matthew's voice sounded tinny on the other side of the phone connection.

"Yo, Matt!" Gilbert responded, balancing the phone between his shoulder and ear. "What's up? How're you doin'?"

"_I'm doing quite well, thanks. They've gotten me started on the treatment. I'm feeling a little bit nauseous, though_…" Matthew's voice trailed off, and Gilbert furrowed his brow in concern.

"Is that a side-effect or somethin'?" The Prussian questioned harshly, tapping a pile of papers on the desk to straighten them before he placed them on top of another stack.

"_W-Well, they said it could be… There can be a lot of side-effects, considering that this treatment is still in the works_…" The blonde replied slowly – as if to calm himself, as well as the Prussian.

"… It had better just be a side effect. I'll come see you tomorrow – I don't think I can make it tonight before visitin' hours end. But tomorrow… During my lunch break, I think I can make it-"

"_Gilbert, please – just talk to your boss and see if there's any chance of you getting a day off. I don't want you wasting a lunch hour, just to come see me!_"

"It's not a waste, Matt!" Gilbert retorted, rolling his eyes before he remembered that the Canadian would be unable to see the action.

"_Please, Gilbert? Just ask him?_" Matthew's distant voice pleaded, and the albino sighed with defeat.

"Okay. Fine. I'll talk to my boss tomorrow – I'm headin' home soon, and he's still in a conference," Gilbert replied in a begrudging fashion, and he raised an eyebrow at Matthew's relieved sigh.

"_I'm going to have to go back to my room now, Gilbert… Maybe we can talk again tomorrow? I doubt they'll refuse me access to the hospital phone_," Matthew asked forlornly, gaining a snort from the albino.

"Of course, Matt! You just gimme a call whenever you can, alright? I've always got time to spare!" He chuckled, and Matthew laughed as well.

"_Alright. Sleep well tonight, Gilbert, and I'll talk to you tomorrow_," Matthew stated, happiness leaking into his tone.

"… You too, Matt. Later, bud," the Prussian responded, before they both hung up the phone.

Gilbert leaned back in his chair and ran a hand through his hair – he had discarded his gloves long ago, and his sunglasses as well – before sighing audibly.

"… I've got a damn well bad feelin' 'bout this 'treatment', Matt…" He muttered to himself, closing his scarlet eyes before he leaned forward in his chair and continued to sort through the papers on his desk.

A quick glance at the clock alerted him to the fact that it was getting closer to the time that he was able to leave work and go collapse on the couch at home… Until Ludwig would tell him to get up and go to bed.

Of course, the blonde German would always end up carrying Gilbert to bed, but that was because the Prussian was too awesome to continuously fall up the stairs like a pro.

"Alright… May as well pack up a lil' bit now…" He leaned forward and shoved a few things into his briefcase, uneasiness continuing to fill his being.

"… Dammit… If somethin' happens to you… I'll fuckin' kill 'em…" Gilbert's eyes narrowed considerably, and he gritted his teeth, slamming a fist on his desk before he swiftly forced his cocky grin back onto his face and continued moving things from his desk into his briefcase.

He easily ignored the brief, wide-eyed – and slightly fearful – looks from his co-workers.

After all, if it was so easy for others to ignore his best friend…

It was much easier to ignore people who didn't matter to him.

* * *

A few weeks had passed since Matthew had been put on the treatment, and the nausea continued to get worse and worse.

"E-Excuse me… Nurse?" He called out weakly, wincing as his voice came out gravelly and hoarse.

The woman passed by the doorway wordlessly, without a single glance inside.

The Canadian reclined back against his pillow with defeat, Kumajirou held tightly in his arms. He squirmed uncomfortably – he hadn't had a shower since the morning before he arrived at this hospital. He had been told he would be helped to be cleaned, since straining while on treatment was not a good idea…

But, of course, he was receiving no help.

As time continued to move, he looked back to the last visit he had received from Gilbert, several days ago.

* * *

"_Hey, Matt!" Gilbert laughed as he sauntered casually into the room, wearing a white, collared shirt, black trousers and ankle-high boots._

"_Gilbert!" The Canadian turned to face his friend with a bright smile on his face. As the Prussian arrived at the side of the bed, he was pulled unceremoniously into a tight hug._

"_O-Oi, Matt, you okay?" Gilbert asked warily, slowly hugging his friend back._

"_Yeah – I've just been lonely… Sorry," Matthew replied with a sheepish note slipping into his voice, and he moved to pull away._

"_What, you don't think I've been lonely too, without my partner-in-crime~?" Gilbert chuckled, giving Matthew a quick squeeze before he pulled back and ruffled the Canadian's blonde hair._

_Matthew's cheeks heated up slightly, and he pushed gently at Gilbert's shoulder. "I'm not your partner-in-crime!" He said with a slight pout._

"_You keep tellin' yourself that, if it helps you sleep at night~" Gilbert hummed, pushing down the bar on the hospital bed before seating himself on the edge of it. He twisted around and stared at Matthew with a calculating gaze._

_After a few short moments, the Canadian was squirming with a large amount of discomfort. "… Wh-What is it, Gilbert?"_

"_How're you feelin'?" The Prussian inquired bluntly, quirking an eyebrow._

"… _I'm feeling f-"_

"_Don't lie to me," Gilbert snapped, interrupting the Canadian. Matthew blinked in surprise, before a smile curled the corners of his lips._

"_Of course… I'm not feeling too well. The nausea isn't going away, and the nurses seem to be quite busy. So…"_

"_Matt…" The Prussian began, a warning note in his voice, and the Canadian was quick to hold up a hand._

"_Gilbert, please just listen. If this treatment works, I get to live longer. If it doesn't, then I still have about ten years to live. Try to be optimistic, for me?"_

_The albino was silent, his eyes watching Matthew's closely. Finally, he sighed and shrugged._

"_Fine. But you call me if you need anythin', alright? I'll drop what I'm doin', you know that," Gilbert huffed, his voice rough. Matthew's smile turned soft, and he nodded._

"_Yeah, I know, Gilbert. Thanks,"_

"_D-Don't get all sappy on me, dammit!"_

"_Aw… Are you embarrassed?"_

"_Shut up, Matt!"_

* * *

"But now… Gilbert's boss won't let him off…" Matthew muttered to himself, becoming bewildered at the slight vehemence that managed to sneak into his statement.

He could feel the bedsores littering the lower part of his body, and he stiffened as they rubbed against his hospital gown.

"… I can't even get up anymore… To go call Gilbert and talk to him…" The Canadian murmured, his eyelids lowering as he sagged in the bed.

"At least… At least _they_ came to see me…"

* * *

"_Oi! Where is he?!" A loud, boisterous voice shouted down the hallway, and Matthew jerked upright in bed – of course, he regretted it almost immediately, and sank back down. Footsteps echoed down the corridor, before a tall blonde skidded around the corner and dove into the room, landing at the Canadian's bedside._

"_Matt!" Alfred practically yelled, his blue eyes seemingly… Worried?_

"_Ah, Mathieu! We thought you would have been at the other hospital, mon cher!" Francis followed the American in, and Arthur trailed behind them._

"_A-Ah… What are you guys doing here…?" Matthew asked softly, confusion flitting across his features._

"_We read your note, and we had to come! What, did you not think that we would?!" Alfred took Matthew by his shoulders and shook him slightly._

"_Matthew, we still don't know why you're in the hospital…" Arthur came up to the side of the bed and smiled slightly down at the astonished blonde._

"_O-Oh… It's okay, really. It's nothing," Matthew responded, blinking up at his' family'._

"_Ah, tell us, Mathieu," Francis pressed, and the Canadian shook his head._

"_It's really nothing."_

"_If you're sure…" Arthur shifted uncomfortably._

"_I am."_

"_Well, Matt…" Alfred cast his gaze around the room, a bored air surrounding him. He seemed unnerved, though, and oddly silent._

"_Th-Thanks for coming to visit me, though…"_

"_Ah, de rien, Mathieu," Francis responded quickly, nodding down at the Canadian._

_Silence filled the room – and it was not a comfortable silence. Matthew wanted to say something, but he was not sure exactly what he could say to the people that noticed him merely because of a note he had left on the refrigerator door._

_He opened his mouth, and sighed before saying, "I know you all don't believe me when I tell you that it's nothing-" he was interrupted by his brother snorting 'No shit, Sherlock', but continued on anyways with, "-but really, they just put me in here for precautionary reasons. I'm fine, really. I should be out soon enough."_

"_If you're sure, Matt," Alfred replied, flashing Matthew a winning smile._

_The occupants of the room fell quiet once more, but the clock continued to tick endlessly._

_Finally, another voice broke the silence._

"… _I have to go now… Work…" Arthur mumbled uncertainly, and Matthew sighed._

"_Of course, Arthur. Thanks again, everyone, for coming to see me," the blonde replied, and the three shuffled uneasily out of the room, sending backward glances at the solemn Canadian._

* * *

A pair of voices out in the hallway brought Matthew out of his reverie, and he turned his gaze to the door hopefully.

"Nurse? N-Nurse, please-" He called out, but the voices passed by his door – they were speaking in a foreign language.

"O-Oh, maybe that's why they don't understand me… But they should know English, to be able to work here…" He mumbled to himself, trying to find any real reason why the nurses would be ignoring his pleas.

Matthew was irritated that the doctor would arrive to give him his treatment, but would leave without asking him how he was. Wasn't it a doctor's job to take care of their patient?

He felt dirty and unclean, and his bedsores were continuing to hurt.

He felt very sick to his stomach.

He had to go to the bathroom.

Hell, he was hungry – he felt like he hadn't eaten in decades. He felt parched as well, his throat dry from lack of water – he had long since finished his glass, and was feeling dehydrated.

But one of the feelings won out above the others – his weariness.

The weariness from the disease continuing to eat away at his body.

The weariness from the nausea turning his stomach every now-and-then.

The weariness from absolutely everything that had gone _wrong_ in his life.

The weariness of his life in general.

"… I feel… Tired…" Matthew whispered to himself, as his eyelids drooped even more, and finally closed.

"M'ybe Gilb'r'll vis't t'm'rr'w…" He slurred, just before his body was released into the clutches of slumber.

The ticking of the clock mixed in with the Canadian's soft breathing.

Kumajirou tumbled from the sleeping Canadian's grasp.

And finally, one of the noises stopped.

Sadly…

It wasn't the clock.

* * *

For an impatiently waiting Gilbert, the memory of it all was vivid in his mind as he sat and hoped that his friend would live.

---

_Gilbert walked down the hallway, humming to himself as he came upon the door that hid his friend from view. He pushed it opened easily and entered the room, sauntering over to the sleeping Canadian's bedside._

"_Oi, Matt – wakey wakey, rise and shine! Up an' at 'em!"_

_Silence was his only answer._

_Something felt off._

_Gilbert blinked for a moment, before he reached out and shook the blonde._

"_Matt, seriously. Wake up," the Prussian commanded nervously._

_He held his breath, and finally realized what the problem was._

_Matthew was not breathing._

_Gilbert tore out into the hallway, screaming for a nurse._

_His scarlet eyes were wild with horror and fear._

_A nurse walked into view, and he lunged, grabbing her by the arm._

"_Wh-What have you __**done**__?!" He howled, fury sparking through his eyes._

_The black-haired girl blinked in surprise._

"_I-I just got back!"_

"_My friend… He's not breathin', dammit!"_

"_Wh-Who is your friend, sir?"_

"_Matthew fuckin' Williams!" The girl's eyes widened in horrified shock._

"_Y-You mean… The man who came in just a little while ago?!"_

"_Yes, him! He's not breathin'! Help him!"_

"_W-We'll get him transferred back to Doctor Yao's hospital right away! Didn't any of the other nurses go to see him?!"_

"_Apparently not!"_

"_I'll call Doctor Yao! You go back and stay with him – remove all obstructing objects from around him, and tilt his head backwards to open his airway! I'll be in momentarily!" Maria instructed, and Gilbert nodded wildly, racing back down the corridor and into Matthew's room._

_He did as he was told, and he began panting with worry and fear._

"_G-God, Matt, don't do this!"_

_He got no response._

_Kumajirou remained on the bed – now soiled, because of Matthew's unconscious state – beside the Canadian, but still out of his grip._

_Moments later, Maria hurried into the room._

"_Doctor Yao is sending an ambulance over!"_

"_Don't you fuckin' have any?!"_

"_I thought we did! I'm shocked that we don't!" Maria replied hurriedly, the severity of the situation showing clearly in her tone of voice._

_Gilbert's attention shifted entirely onto his seemingly comatose friend, and his gaze zoned in on him._

"_Dammit… Matt… I fuckin' __**knew**__ somethin' was gonna go wrong…"_

---

The ambulance had arrived and taken Matthew to Yao's hospital, with Gilbert at the blonde's side the entire time, holding the limp, seemingly lifeless hand in a tight grip.

Of course, once they reached the hospital, the Canadian was taken away from him, in order for the doctors to try to resuscitate him.

Gilbert was seated in the waiting room, his chin in his hands, and his focus zoned in on the wall above the secretary's desk.

Finally, Yao walked over to him, and rested a hand on his shoulder in order to gain his attention.

The Prussian looked up wearily, and felt his heart drop at the grim look on Yao's face.

"I… I'm sorry, aru. I thought he would have been taken care of at that hospital."

"It's not your fault that they're all stupid assholes who can't fuckin' tie their shoelaces in the mornin', let alone care for my friend," Gilbert snorted in response.

"Well, we've stabilized Mr. Williams condition to the extent that we were able, but he's still not in good shape. We'll have to wait a few days and see what happens, aru," Yao sighed, running a hand over his forehead.

"I… I see," Gilbert bowed his head, pinching the bridge of his nose with his thumb and index fingers.

"Br-Bruder?" A gruff voice asked, and the Prussian's head shot up.

"West? What're you doin' here?" Gilbert stood up and turned to face his taller brother, who stared down at him worriedly.

"Your car wasn't at work, and they had said that you went to see your friend at the hospital on the other end of town. But a black-haired girl directed me to this hospital… Bruder, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, West! Why wouldn't I be okay?! Jeez!" Gilbert laughed, clapping his brother on the shoulder.

"Doctor Yao! Doctor Yao, his state's deteriorating!" Another doctor skidded into the room, and Yao turned to face him with shock.

"S-Sorry, Mr. Beilschmidt, aru! I have to go!" The Chinese doctor hurriedly followed the other male.

Gilbert gazed after them with wide eyes, before Ludwig laid a hand on his shoulder. He jumped in surprise.

"Bruder… Is your friend doing very bad?"

"…" Gilbert didn't respond – he merely looked up at his brother. His eyes glistened slightly, and he leaned forward, wrapping his arms around his blonde brother. "… Yes," the Prussian finally mumbled, and Ludwig sighed.

"Let's go home, Bruder… We can only wait for a call now. Have you given the hospital our phone number?"

"Yeah. They'll call when they know what's gonna happen," Gilbert allowed himself to be lead out of the hospital, still slightly shaken by the whole ordeal.

"Let's just hope for the best, Bruder," Ludwig put his arm hesitantly around Gilbert's shoulders, and helped the Prussian into the passenger side of the car. "We'll have to pick up your car from the other hospital, you know."

"Can't we do that tomorrow?" Gilbert leaned back in his seat, his eyes seeming to be gazing off into the distance.

"… Of course, Bruder," the blonde German replied, before turning on the vehicle.

* * *

"Bruder… The phone's for you."

Gilbert raised his head from the arm of the couch, and sighed briefly before lugging himself off of the comfortable piece of furniture. He shuffled into the kitchen and took the phone from his brother with a nod.

"Yo, Gilbert here."

"_Ah, Mr. Beilschmidt, aru. It's Doctor Yao,_" came the voice from the other end of the connection. Gilbert immediately straightened up, and clutched the phone tighter.

"How is he?!"

"_Well, we've kept him here for three days. Mr. Beilschmidt, aru, I don't know how to tell you this, but…_"

"… Gott, no. No. No... Please _NO_," He mumbled.

"_I'm sorry, Mr. Beilschmidt, aru. He passed away this morning._"

"… _NO_!" The phone fell from Gilbert's nerveless grasp and clattered on the counter. Sorrow filled his being, and tears pricked at his eyes as Ludwig rushed into the kitchen. He saw his brother sag weakly against the counter, bewilderment on his features, his eyes wide as tears fell from them.

The blonde hurried forward and pulled his brother to his chest, allowing him to cry as he lifted the phone to his ear, just in time to hear a voice say, "_Mr. Beilschmidt? Mr. Beilschmidt, are you still there, aru?!_"

"Th-This is his brother. He's… Currently unable to talk. Can I help you?" Ludwig asked nervously.

"_His friend passed away this morning, aru. We've cleaned him up – his state horrified me. How the nurses and doctors at the other hospital could have let it get this far, aru…_"

"Well, thank you, Doctor Yao. Have you alerted his family?"

"_Yes, aru. They have picked up his body. They seemed terribly upset, aru._"

"Thank you again, Doctor Yao. Have a pleasant day."

"_You too. Please take care of your brother, aru._"

"I will," Ludwig replied, and with a final farewell, he hung up the phone and turned his attention onto his brother.

"Bruder…" He murmured, furrowing his brow at the sight of his brother seeming so… Broken.

"_Matthew_!" Gilbert wailed into Ludwig's chest, clutching at his brother like a lifeline.

"Bruder, we should find out the date of the funeral," the German sighed softly as he hugged his brother. "But, let's get you to a seat, shall we?"

* * *

Later that night, as Ludwig was closing the door to the room his brother was sleeping in, he heard the words, 'I knew it, I knew it, I knew it' repeated like a mantra, and he shut the door behind him.

He thought back to the argument that Gilbert had gotten into with Arthur, Francis and Alfred. It consisted of Gilbert screaming and cursing at them, Arthur crying from realizing that everything he had done to the poor boy he could never take back, Francis deathly pale and silent with a blank expression, and Alfred oddly solemn, sorrow flickering in his blue eyes.

The family had apologized profusely for never noticing Matthew, to which Gilbert had replied, "Do you _really_ think you have to apologize to _me_?! You barely noticed _him_! You should apologize to him! But it's too late now, isn't it?! You never know what you have until it's gone! And that's _your_ burden to live with! _Live with your regret_!"

Kumajirou had also been given to the Prussian, and was located in Gilbert's arms.

Ludwig sighed and moved across the hallway to his own room, shutting the door softly behind him so as not to disturb his lightly sleeping brother.

* * *

Regret was present in many minds that day – those who had ignored Matthew, those who had not noticed him, those who had never cared.

The family of the deceased regretted their pitiful actions, and only wished for him to be alive again so they could start over.

The sorrowful Prussian was regretting also, however. He was regretting that he never noticed that his friend was getting even more sick. He regretted that he didn't stay by his side in the hospital, to make sure that he got everything he needed.

He merely _regretted_.

Now, somewhere in heaven, Matthew would be looking down on Gilbert, and watching over him.

But down on the planet, and somewhere in the house, a clock continued to tick, showing time would continue to move forward, regardless.

But, for the time being, a regretting Gilbert could not.


	3. Regret, Guilt, Forgiveness, and Hope

**A/N;** Alright – since most reviewers wanted a third chapter, with the funeral in it, here it is. Sorry if it disappoints you – I couldn't really bring myself to make it longer than this. I hope it satisfies you. If I catch any errors, I'll fix them later - I'm exhausted.

Thanks again for reading!  
And thanks to everyone who has reviewed the past two chapters, added this story to their subscription list, and favourited it. I appreciate the readers who enjoy this story. -smiles-

**Disclaimer;** I do not own Axis Powers HETALIA.

---

"A life has been lost recently. A life of pain and loneliness – of grief, sadness and illness. One man, hardly known to the world around him, died much too early. Matthew Williams, of Canadian heritage, lost his life to non-Hodgkin's lymphoma, and his death was assisted by a hospital's impudence with regards to taking care of a patient. We are not here today, however, to talk about our anger with the hospital staff – we are here to celebrate the short life of Matthew Williams," Arthur's forlorn, choked up voice announced to a small crowd of people assembled in the funeral home room.

People who finally remembered who the blonde Canadian was.

People who had ignored him, but regretted their actions.

And the one person who cared enough to be around the Canadian for most of his lifetime.

"We… We weren't the best family to Matthew. We hardly even knew he existed. He was like a stranger to us – his relatives! If we could turn back time, and do everything over again, we would. But we can't. We deeply regret losing him. But… H-Hah… We barely knew him! Why am _I_ standing up here, when everything I did to that poor boy hurt him?!" Arthur stepped back from the podium, wiping unsuccessfully at the tears. Guilt had been gnawing at him ever since he heard about the death of his relative – guilt for everything he had done.

Or, more specifically, everything he had _not_ done.

Francis stepped closer to the podium, and called out, "S-So… We would ask that… Gilbert Beilschmidt come up here."

Gilbert blinked his glistening eyes, and glared up at the three blondes huddled together near the podium.

The albino contemplated refusing the somewhat-stricken family – after all, it was partially them that had driven Matthew to the point of illness derived from stress.

However, that was exactly why he _couldn't_ refuse.

_Matthew_.

Steeling himself, Gilbert stood up and slipped away from his brother's side, walking up the small aisle before stopping in front of the family. He gazed at them in a slightly disgusted fashion – however, he felt a fraction better with how truly stricken they looked, and the guilt in their eyes. It would teach them a lesson that they would never forget.

And Gilbert would be sure of it.

He nodded briefly at them, before he moved behind the podium, and faced the throng of people. He took a deep – but not shuddering, _never_ shuddering, he couldn't appear _weak_ – breath before hardening his scarlet gaze.

"So, you're all gathered here today to celebrate the short life of my friend, eh?" Gilbert narrowed his eyes at the sheepish nods from the crowd.

"We're here to celebrate his life, realize all the good things he did, and you all miss him?" More nods surfaced from the assembled people.

Gilbert snorted.

"I, for one, think it's a load of bullshit."

A chorus of surprised noises came from the assembled figures, and even Ludwig stared at his brother in bewilderment.

"Wh-What?" Alfred asked in shock, his blue eyes wide.

"You heard me," the albino snapped harshly, silencing the surrounding figures. "You're not fuckin' here to celebrate his life! You're here because your _regret_ is eatin' away at you! Your _guilt_!" Gilbert knew that his eyes were glistening again – he could feel the traitourous tears pricking at the backs of his eyes. But he knew that he couldn't stop now – not when he'd said that much already.

"You regret never noticin' him! You regret ignorin' him! You regret mistakin' him for some stupid, cocky, brawny dipshit that barely resembles him!" For once, Alfred did not rise to the bait – instead, he seemed to deflate, and his face became shadowed with sorrow. "How could you not tell the damned difference?! Matt was… He was polite, and pleasant, and soft-spoken! Hell, if you just met him, you'd have to strain your ears to hear him!" Gilbert took a deep breath, steadying himself.

"I just… You all don't know him. You didn't know him. The only one who knew him was me. Hell, you can all think that I'm just boastin' – inflatin' my ego – but I'm not. I knew Matt for who he was – he was polite most of the time, but he was a spunky lil' shit, too!" The Prussian released a broken laugh, threading his fingers through his unruly, silver hair. "But if you needed his help, he was there. Especially when you wanted his pancakes." A self-deprecating smirk crept onto Gilbert's lips, curling them cynically upwards.

"He helped me… So damn much. If I needed him, he was there. I just wish I could've been there to save 'im. I didn't wanna let him go.

"Fuck… I'll even admit – I took him for granted. I thought we were gonna be friends until we were old, and then argue with stupid teenagers. Thought we were gonna be chattin' and goin' on trips and doin' all this other shit. But… H-He's gone, and he ain't fuckin' comin' back! We're all gonna have to accept it," Gilbert shook his head slightly, his eyes glazed over. He ignored the enraptured stares he was getting from the people around him, instead straightening up, his gaze suddenly becoming emboldened with a strange light.

"Matthew Williams was one of those people you don't find every day. He was a one in a million kid. He will be missed, and his sad life regretted by those who couldn't find the time in their fuckin' lives to pay one second of attention to him. That's really all I have to say, except…" Gilbert turned to face the open casket. He stepped closer to it, and winced at the peaceful expression on the sorrowful Canadian's face. He hesitantly rested a hand on top of Matthew's, and swallowed thickly.

"I'll miss you, you lil' shit."

Without another word, Gilbert turned and fled the funeral home.

Ludwig leapt to his feet, and – with an apologetic glance aimed at the astonished and upset family – quickly followed his brother, yelling his name as he exited the room.

"… W-Well… We shall… C-Continue now…" Arthur murmured in a shaken voice, attempting to gather some shred of dignity as he approached the podium to continue the ceremony for the lost life.

---

Gilbert had, of course, been present for the burial – after the crowds of people had left, only the family remained.

Maria, the nurse from Seychelles, had come by during the burial - she couldn't make it during the funeral, but she had sent her apology along with Gilbert.

Yao, the Chinese doctor that had first sent Matthew for treatment, felt utterly guilty for his actions - he took time off to come see the casket get lowered into the ground, and to lay a rose on it. Ludwig had remained with his brother faithfully, until the Prussian had told him to go wait in the car – he'd be there shortly.

"I'm… I'm sorry, mon cher," Francis murmured, brushing a hand across the top of Matthew's tombstone.

"O-Oh God, Matthew… I'm terribly sorry… Why…" Arthur sobbed, his face in his hands as Alfred wordlessly placed the flowers on the ground, and patted the stone that marked his brother's grave.

"… Matt… I'll never forget you," the American murmured, and the family slowly walked away from the grave.

Gilbert watched them leave, before slipping out of his hiding place and hurrying over to the grave. He rested a hand on the tombstone with a weak smile.

"Wish you were still here, bud. Had so much planned. I guess… I guess we're just going to have to wait until we're together again, eh? I'll try to carry on your legacy of pancakes and maple syrup, and I _promise_ that I will never, ever – not even when I die – forget you. Rest in peace, Matt."

With his final parting words, Gilbert laid the white, stuffed bear on the grave, before shoving his hands into his pockets and walking away.

After a moment, he glanced over his shoulder and smiled briefly.

"And I know – it's a polar bear."

He left the graveyard and began the short trek back to the vehicle, just in time to miss a tinkling laughter, and the flowers moving with a non-existent wind.

---

"_So… You are all actually sorry for what you did?_" A being noted as he saw Arthur, Alfred and Francis huddled on the floor, sleeping.

There were visible tear tracks down each of their cheeks.

A soft smile came to the figure's face, and gently brushed the remaining tear stains away, as well as the strained wrinkles on their faces from their overwhelming sadness.

"_It's okay. I forgive you. It's what family does, right?_" He chuckled, before slipping out of the house and floating towards another familiar one. He slipped easily through a wall before materializing again.

"_Ahaha, I got the right room! You would be proud of me, wouldn't you?_" He moved forward, towards the bed, where a sleeping figure lay curled under the covers. He pretended not to notice the pitiful expression on the slumbering male's face.

"_You know… I really loved your parting gift. But... I think it would be better if you kept it. I really don't want you to forget me. It took a lot to convince Him to let me see you all – I can't keep asking. Feliciano's grandfather's still having trouble with asking,_" the figure laughed brightly, before slipping a stuffed toy into the sleeping male's arms.

"_I'll really miss you a lot, you know… You said some very nice things today about me, in front of all those people… I'm so sorry, I never meant for this to happen. I didn't want to die, Gilbert. I wanted for us to be friends for a long time. I wouldn't be your partner-in-crime, though..." He let out a small chuckle. "No, I'm not getting my panties in a twist. But, seriously... I'll never forget you, even if you forget me, and I'll always watch over you, Gilbert._"

Gilbert shifted in his bed, unconsciously hugging the bear closer.

"_Never forget Matthew Williams, and he will not forget you - but you're an exception._" With that, Matthew rested a hand on Gilbert's head before he began dematerializing, his form vanishing into sparkling lights.

"_Thank you…_"

---

And when the figure disappeared, the night was silent – but the moon and stars seemed just that little bit brighter.

In the morning, everyone would go about their normal business.

But the dark shroud of only sorrow and guilt will have disappeared.

And in the graveyard, above the grave marked 'Matthew Williams'...

A single, white trillium had grown.

---

_T h e y a l w a y s s a y t h a t s t r e s s c a n m a k e y o u s l i g h t l y i l l , o r g i v e y o u a d i s e a s e t h a t i s s u r e t o k i l l . F o r t h o s e w h o h a v e s u c c u m b e d , t e a r s a r e s h e d - b u t t e a r s c a n n o t b r i n g b a c k t h e d e a d ._

---

**Note;** A white trillium is a flower that it is illegal to pick in Ontario, Canada - being that it is the emblem/official flower of the province - which is why I chose that flower to grow over Matthew's grave. He _is_ a Canadian, after all. (It is protected in parks, the more rare type of trillium is fully protected by law.)


End file.
